Arranged marriage Vs choice marriage.

Umpteen times it has been written and discussed about.Arranged marriage vs love marriage  I would like to call love marriage as choice marriage.
So here it is arranged marriage vs choice marriage.
To the west the concept of arranged marriage is unheard of. There choice marriages are the norm.

Now what is an arranged marriage?

English: Hindu marriage ceremony from a Rajput...

English: Hindu marriage ceremony from a Rajput wedding. ‪Norsk (nynorsk)‬: Rajput-par i ein hinduistisk vigsel. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wikipedia says this -In an arranged marriage, the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other.Arranged marriages are traditional in South Asian society and continue to account for an overwhelming majority of marriages in the Indian subcontinent.Despite the fact that romantic love is “wholly celebrated” in both Indian mass media (such as Bollywood) and folklore, and the arranged marriage tradition lacks any official legal recognition or support, the institution has proved to be “surprisingly robust” in adapting to changed social circumstances and has defied predictions of decline as India modernized.In the urban culture of modern India, the differentiation between arranged and love marriages is increasingly seen as a “false dichotomy” with the emergence of phenomena such as “self-arranged marriages” and free-choice on the part of the prospective spouses.

In countries like India, Parents prefer their children to take the arranged marriage route for getting married. The reasons are many.

  • Young people are considered too naive and immature to take this decision.
  • Their choice is seen as a threat to social status of the family.
  • India has a strong caste system. marriages out of one’s caste/religion are highly discouraged.
  • Finding love before marriage is seen as immoral.

The marriage is seen more as a union of families than a union of two people.

I would like to take the 8 major reasons why people say arranged marriages should be encouraged and will pen down my thoughts against that.

1. Arranged marriage offers Family support.

It is commonly observed that the girl’s parents want the girl to keep the marriage, whatever it takes.They shy away from taking a bold step, if the need arises. Even if they know their daughter is not happy or worse she is suffering,they want her to continue to avoid social outcast or any other discomfort.

2. Arranged marriage brings Socially compatible people together.

What about the emotional compatibility, physical compatibility  What about their personalities, interests and perceptions. These criteria are not given much importance in an arranged marriage since it is seen as the alliance of two families rather than two mature individuals. The couple in question are kept in the background and the immediate family’s compatibility as in economic status,caste,culture, rituals, influence, power is identified as more important.

3. Arranged marriage provides Dating opportunity.

What are you serious. Once the alliance is set ,then it is not dating and fun definitely not. Because you know that the trap is already been set.You are in it and all the pressure is on the couple to make it happen.

4. Arranged marriage unfolds the magic of love.

Love is the last thing to happen in an arranged marriage after all have been taken care of. This is truly magic if after so much caution and horoscope matching and weighing of potential brides’ appearances and choosing the one with the perfect looks and getting the handsome dowry, love can happen. A big yawn for that!

5. Arranged marriage brings with it High level of adjustment/understanding.

But adjustment from whom. In India the family system is such that the bride goes to the groom’s family after marriage and they stay there with the extended family(bride is lucky if the groom works away from his native place!)It is the bride who has to adjust to the new family. She is considered as the new care taker of the groom’s family. She is expected to please all and maintain a certain code of conduct. She is always under the scrutiny of the people around her.

6. Arranged marriages have low divorce rates.

Often people boast about arranged marriage being more stable with less number of people opting for a divorce.but staying in a marriage does not mean a happy marriage. And what is this fuss about getting a divorce if things do not work out. Life is more than just staying married. It is better to walk out than to suffer.

7. There is a Mystery element to each day in an arranged marriage.

This is not a game of oh I outplayed you in the surprise as in I surprise(read shock) you more everyday.But for how long. Eventually all the mysteries will be out . And it is always a good idea to know all about a person before taking the plunge. You see, it should be not a shock treatment center for you. lol.

8. Arranged marriage brings financial security.

The question is to whom? Is it to the parents of the groom who extract handsome dowry. Or to the girl who is not allowed to pursue education to marry her off.If she was allowed to pursue her degree then there would be no need to think about her financial security as she would be capable of taking care of herself financially.

I would sum it up by saying, for marriage “you need an open mind and a willing heart “!!

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3 Responses to Arranged marriage Vs choice marriage.

  1. Pingback: An email from an Indian father: I want to place on record my own story as a warning to anyone… | Impressions

  2. Pingback: How To Talk When A Prospective Groom Comes To ‘SEE’ You 101 | There and Their

  3. Pingback: The trouble with arrange marriages | divorced doodling

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