The three questions

 

Today’s post is inspired from the short story by Leo Tolstoy that I happened to read a few

portrait of Leo Tolstoy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

days back. It struck me deeply. I will not write the story here but I will write about what I learnt and my interpretation of it.

 

What could be the three most important questions that you can think of to lead a righteous and fulfilling life?

 

Q1. What is the best time to do each thing?

 

Ans1. There is only one important time and that is now.

 

Often times people are either lost in the past and repenting or thinking and worrying about the future. The present does not exist for them. It has no value. Whereas it should be  totally opposite. The past is gone and the future is far. Present is here. Now is the time to do what is desired.The law of attraction also works in present. If you think about past mistakes, you are reliving them in your mind in present and that is what is shaping your future. It will give you more of your past that you do not want and you will have no clue why the things you do not want in your life surface again and again. You think you are a victim and whatever is happening in your life, you do not have control over it. but the truth is that, the unwanted things are in your thoughts all the time and you are creating them unconsciously. Just a shift in thinking will change your life. You should think about the things that you want and desire. It is that simple!

 

Q2. Who are the most important people to work with?

 

Ans2. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you.

 

There are no coincidences in life. All the people you meet, all the things you own, all the circumstances that you have , all of these are what you intended , consciously or unconsciously. The present moment you are in is the most perfect moment for you . So how can the person whom you are with in this present moment, be wrong? He/She is the most important person and you should have total respect and compassion for that person.

 

Q3. What is the most important thing to do at all times?

 

Ans3. The most important pursuit is making that person happy, the one standing at your side.

 

The most important pursuit is to do good, feel good, say good and want good for you and for all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Find your sparrow!

It need not be a sparrow. You can choose anything that you love or like as a symbol to feel that the law of love is with you. I have chosen sparrow as I feel happy whenever I see one. It could be anything like reflection, rainbow, falling leaf anything that you love. Whenever you see your symbol believe that the power is with you. Feel it, gazing upon you.

I am so certain I know this power. I have encountered it at different phases of my life. The most remarkable ones I am sharing today that I still remember vividly despite so many years have passed. The first memory I have is when I was in 4th grade and I remember I was preparing for my GK exam a day before the exam. On the examination day as I was walking to school with my younger brother suddenly I felt I have lost my senses. I could not hear anything or speak anything. I was lost somewhere. I could see, I could walk but I could not feel anything. I felt as if I am outside of  my body and observing things around me including myself.I could not understand whats going on. It was a bit scary too as I could not understand what had happened. I was not dizzy. I was in some kind of haze. I felt as if I was separate from my body. I attended the prayer in the ground hoping it would go away. Exam started and I do not know what I wrote as I could not feel anything. I could not feel the paper or the pen. I remained in that state for whole of my exam. I came to my senses after the exam and I began to worry what had I written. I began to fear that i will fail. To my astonishment I scored 40/40 in GK whereas I had barely managed to pass in other subjects. I just could not understand what happened to this date.

The second incident is when I was preparing for my post graduate entrance exam. I got a book from my sister. It talked about the benefits of feeling good, believing in the best. I read it all with great interest and followed it.It was a fierce competition as there were only 30 seats into that post graduate program and some 1500 students had applied. The book said if you believe it can happen, it will happen, no matter how hard it seems. If you are ready to prepare and believe in it every moment, you will surely get it. Nothing is impossible. I used to draw the building(just a rectangular block)  on my notebook and write down the name of the institute which I wanted to study in. I would write my name beside it and would write I am the student of this institute .I would write my examination roll number and would write this roll no. has got selected in this institute. I would imagine myself going in that institute as a student. It gave me inspiration to study daily. Though my exam went average I cleared it and then went through the grilling interview and GD.  In the interview one of the selectors was my college professor. He knew me. He was god send for me. I made to the list of selected students that year and post graduated from that institute.

The universe has its way of getting things that you want. You need not worry of how are you going to get it. All you have to do is believing in your wishes coming true. For that emanate good feelings as much as you can. See the goodness around you. Feel the gratitude for all that you have. See the good in people and ignore negative.Love yourself. Do whatever it takes to feel good. Listen to inspirational and soothing music, listen to feel good songs, watch light and feel good movies, read inspirational books, talk to positive and loving people, avoid gossiping and talking negative about anyone or anything. Do not give your energy to anything negative.Take your attention to the good things that have happened to you today, yesterday, a week before or a month ago. Just think positive and feel good.

Life is waiting for you to embrace it.

If you want it, you can get it when you get out of the way!

I have always wondered about the workings of nature as in everything in nature is so balanced and serene except us that is human race. It also strikes me that we are the most intelligent beings known on the planet Earth. Then we must be going somewhere wrong to experience existing chaos, disharmony and conflict among us and around us.

Fortunately we can always turn back the events in our favor. We can at anytime choose to feel happy, joyful, content, appreciative and grateful for the things that we have, for the countless blessings we have seen in form of loved ones, our dreams getting realized. I am not saying that should be the criteria of feeling happy . what i am saying is that instead of focusing on don’t haves and don’t wants if and only if we could concentrate on haves and wants we could create positive energy that will surround us and will attract all the other things that we want, love, desire. The condition is you have to break this habit of getting and then feeling good. The condition is you have to feel good to get it. It is so simple that it is hard to believe at first. It might just do not click at first because we have been conditioned from our childhood that it is hard work that pays. But let me tel you my friend life is meant to be fun and joyful. If you take life too seriously , it will give you serious circumstances. Because it is responding to your feelings. It is bound to give you what you think and feel.

It is so simple as eating. When you cook food and serve it in the dish, you must have the intention to eat it. That signals your brain to work in that direction. To hold the spoon, to feed the food to your mouth. Simply cooking food does not satisfy your hunger. You have to have the intention to eat it. Likewise simply wishing and not believing in the desire will cook the desire but will not be pushed to you! You have to tune your frequency to the positive things. You have to feel positive as much as you can. The feeling good is the fuel for your desire to materialize. It thrives on goodness around you.

We all are vibrational beings. Everything around us is vibration and energy. What we give out, is what we receive. If we give out negative feelings and energy, our frequency is low and we attract negative people, negative circumstances. If we give out positive feelings and energy, our frequency shifts higher and higher and we attract positive people and circumstances that matches our frequency and we create abundance everywhere we go, for ourselves and for others.

Life is not a chance, it is really a matter of choice. Every second , every moment we are making this choice of what our life will be the very next moment.

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How to prepare for a day out.

Are you planning to go for a picnic or amusement park or to a place where you need to remain out in the sun for the whole time?

Here are some tips from my experience to make your trip a walk on the cake!

The preparation I did was make the lunch, so that we can have a picnic too and also it is always better to pack food when you go to such places as you are never sure what is on the menu. You would not want to starve yourself in case you find nothing of your choice. Being a vegetarian it makes the choice narrower. Having said that, while packing food, I always keep in mind that the item should taste good even when it gets cold and if possible take the dry items for the main course meal. They are easier to pack, convenient to eat and the risk for spill and spoil is lesser. Since I have a little daughter, I keep a lot of snacks. With little children it is always better to keep them as they are less likely to sit and eat a proper meal. They are just too excited to see everything. Also it is advisable to keep an extra pair of clothes for the your LO.

The things to pack:

1. Disposable plates, cups, spoons.
2. Paper napkins.
3. Water, juices (I like to keep Gatorade).
4. Snacks (chips, cookies).
5. Fruits (banana, cucumber, water melon).
6. Hats and sunglasses.
7. Sunscreen

If you have small children on the trip:

1. Diapers and wipes.
2. Extra pair of clothes.
3. Some toys to keep them occupied while in the car.

It is convenient if you carry a backpack because there is just too much stuff to take on outings especially with small children. On top of that you need to walk a lot on such trips. Wear something comfortable rather than something just fashionable. That way you will have focus on enjoying the trip more. Wear flat shoes if possible. It would be more tiresome if you prefer to wear heels on such trips.

If your baby has a regular nap habit, encourage him/her to take a nap during that time. That way the child will not be over tired and will wake up fresh even if it is a smaller nap than his/her usual time. A cranky child at the trip makes it hard for everyone and for self too.

Lastly and the most important, check the weather before planning your trip and choose a day that is pleasant.

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Arranged marriage Vs choice marriage.

Umpteen times it has been written and discussed about.Arranged marriage vs love marriage  I would like to call love marriage as choice marriage.
So here it is arranged marriage vs choice marriage.
To the west the concept of arranged marriage is unheard of. There choice marriages are the norm.

Now what is an arranged marriage?

English: Hindu marriage ceremony from a Rajput wedding. ‪Norsk (nynorsk)‬: Rajput-par i ein hinduistisk vigsel. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wikipedia says this -In an arranged marriage, the bride and groom are selected by a third party rather than by each other.Arranged marriages are traditional in South Asian society and continue to account for an overwhelming majority of marriages in the Indian subcontinent.Despite the fact that romantic love is “wholly celebrated” in both Indian mass media (such as Bollywood) and folklore, and the arranged marriage tradition lacks any official legal recognition or support, the institution has proved to be “surprisingly robust” in adapting to changed social circumstances and has defied predictions of decline as India modernized.In the urban culture of modern India, the differentiation between arranged and love marriages is increasingly seen as a “false dichotomy” with the emergence of phenomena such as “self-arranged marriages” and free-choice on the part of the prospective spouses.

In countries like India, Parents prefer their children to take the arranged marriage route for getting married. The reasons are many.

• Young people are considered too naive and immature to take this decision.
• Their choice is seen as a threat to social status of the family.
• India has a strong caste system. marriages out of one’s caste/religion are highly discouraged.
• Finding love before marriage is seen as immoral.

The marriage is seen more as a union of families than a union of two people.

I would like to take the 8 major reasons why people say arranged marriages should be encouraged and will pen down my thoughts against that.

1. Arranged marriage offers Family support.

It is commonly observed that the girl’s parents want the girl to keep the marriage, whatever it takes.They shy away from taking a bold step, if the need arises. Even if they know their daughter is not happy or worse she is suffering,they want her to continue to avoid social outcast or any other discomfort.

2. Arranged marriage brings Socially compatible people together.

What about the emotional compatibility, physical compatibility  What about their personalities, interests and perceptions. These criteria are not given much importance in an arranged marriage since it is seen as the alliance of two families rather than two mature individuals. The couple in question are kept in the background and the immediate family’s compatibility as in economic status,caste,culture, rituals, influence, power is identified as more important.

3. Arranged marriage provides Dating opportunity.

What are you serious. Once the alliance is set ,then it is not dating and fun definitely not. Because you know that the trap is already been set.You are in it and all the pressure is on the couple to make it happen.

4. Arranged marriage unfolds the magic of love.

Love is the last thing to happen in an arranged marriage after all have been taken care of. This is truly magic if after so much caution and horoscope matching and weighing of potential brides’ appearances and choosing the one with the perfect looks and getting the handsome dowry, love can happen. A big yawn for that!

5. Arranged marriage brings with it High level of adjustment/understanding.

But adjustment from whom. In India the family system is such that the bride goes to the groom’s family after marriage and they stay there with the extended family(bride is lucky if the groom works away from his native place!)It is the bride who has to adjust to the new family. She is considered as the new care taker of the groom’s family. She is expected to please all and maintain a certain code of conduct. She is always under the scrutiny of the people around her.

6. Arranged marriages have low divorce rates.

Often people boast about arranged marriage being more stable with less number of people opting for a divorce.but staying in a marriage does not mean a happy marriage. And what is this fuss about getting a divorce if things do not work out. Life is more than just staying married. It is better to walk out than to suffer.

7. There is a Mystery element to each day in an arranged marriage.

This is not a game of oh I outplayed you in the surprise as in I surprise(read shock) you more everyday.But for how long. Eventually all the mysteries will be out . And it is always a good idea to know all about a person before taking the plunge. You see, it should be not a shock treatment center for you. lol.

8. Arranged marriage brings financial security.

The question is to whom? Is it to the parents of the groom who extract handsome dowry. Or to the girl who is not allowed to pursue education to marry her off.If she was allowed to pursue her degree then there would be no need to think about her financial security as she would be capable of taking care of herself financially.

I would sum it up by saying, for marriage “you need an open mind and a willing heart “!!

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• http://idiva.com/photogallery-relationships/8-reasons-to-have-an-arranged-marriage/12492/6
• http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/12572/why-one-should-love-arranged-marriages/
• http://www.bollywoodshaadis.com/article/planning–reception/wedding-planning-tips/5-reasons-why-arranged-marriage-is-a-better-idea
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Daycare or nightmare?

This spring we decided to send T to a day care. We wanted her to interact with other kids independently and to spend time outside of home.

So the look out for a daycare started. First thing I did was to call friends who have experience in this , who are sending their kids to daycare though all of them are in far away locations so choosing these day cares was not feasible. I called them to inquire about what should I expect in a day care. The things that came up top in the list were space, hygiene,food and activities.

So we began our search for that perfect place where our daughter can go.It was her first exposure to the outside world so we wanted it to be pleasant.There is this private Montessori near our place. They run it in a community center. We paid them a visit and found that OK to start with.
first day T was so excited to go there, we told her she will be meeting new friends, toys. There will be her teacher. T was happy to go. I was happy to see her eagerness. Let me tell you T is potty trained. So we were relaxed on that part too.
So the first day I dropped her. She went inside the place and just as I was about to go she looked at me puzzled. I assured her that mommy will come to pick her up and in the mean time she can play with her friends and toys. She seemed OK  we enrolled T for a half day program but decided to leave her for 2 hours in the beginning to give her time to adjust. Since the day care was in a community center it had a library too.I decided to wait there and when it was 2 hours I went to pick up T. As I reached there I saw T sitting on the chair and having her snack. She seemed fine. But as soon as she saw me , she started crying. It was fine as this was expected.
The next day T did not want to go. That was expected too because by now she was aware that mommy wont be staying with her in the new place. I coaxed her to go, reassuring that Mommy will come to pick her up once her school is over. That day when I took her back, her teacher told me she had peed twice in her pants. That was quite startling to me since T is potty trained and she juts stays for about 2 hours there. Moreover I make sure that she goes to washroom before leaving the house for the day care. Still I thought the place is new for her. May be she did not tell anyone as she may not be comfortable yet. I ignored it.
The next day the same thing happened. It became an every day thing. She used to cry daily that she does not want to go there and she used to wet her pants. The teachers told me every time that she had an accident. After her first week I asked T that why she does not tell her teacher if she wants to pee. To this she replied teacher say no when she asks her to take her to toilet. It was unbelievable. But I know my child, she is too young to lie. The next day this thing happened again. I questioned her teacher directly what my daughter told me and she replied they have too many children to take care of and they cannot take T every time she demands to go to the washroom! They have fixed washroom timings!! I was like what? They deliberately let her pee in her pants!! and what about this rule. Imagine if we are told to pee just two times while in office and that too at fixed time. Even adults cannot control the nature’s call. She is just a little kid! for god sake!!
Can you imagine having fixed washroom time and denying the child to pee in the washroom. How can they do this to my child. They left her no option but to pee in her pants. How  torturous this must be for T everyday  I could not imagine T’s trauma. It was too much. We decided to get her out of that place. The shocking thing was that two of the three teachers were Indians. How could they be so insensitive?

This was T’s first day care. She went there for two weeks after which we pulled her out. Now we are looking for some other place which will be loving, caring and sensitive to a child’s needs.

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Are you God fearing or God loving?

I have this neighbor, lets call her ‘N’ who is fond of posting spiritual stuff on Facebook.  All those god messages and ideal talk. But what I observe about her in real life, she is far from That ideal talk. One instance is how she talks about our other neighbor, lets call her ‘E’ who is not so fortunate in looks. This other neighbor is below average if we consider her looks. She runs a day care , I have heard she has been managing this day care since last 20 years. I was thinking of sending T to her and I sought N’s advice as she has been staying in the area for quite a long time and I have just shifted there. The comment that she made on E’s looks was like “oh my husband said , she has a face that will horrify the children” and then she laughed.
I decided to go and see what E’s day care is like and how she is as a person. I found her place to be clean, organized and child proof. It was ideal place for my daughter. I found E to be sincere in her job.
Also on more than one occasion  I found that N is over suspicious of people around her specially men . She has a teen aged daughter and I understand that it is OK to be cautious but to see every man as a rapist and every friend of her daughter a drug addict is a bit too much.
Every time I tell her something, she has this déjà vu ,”oh this happened with me too” and then she goes on and on with her story not bothering what I was telling her! This reminds me of a song by six pence none the richer though not in the same context.
The song goes like -There she goes ,there she goes again! Here is a link to the song! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pj3vXkhqszE

So this whole story about N is to understand that why the real and virtual is so different. I came across a very interesting article few days ago in Forbes. An interesting read.

http://www.forbes.com/sites/meghancasserly/2012/03/10/women-self-representation-lisa-ling-tiffany-shlain-huffpo-sxsw/

So I found N to be god fearing but not god loving. Because a god loving person will not be so shallow to judge another person on looks,color,race or status. A god loving person will be above all these. A god loving person will not see all others as a threat or danger because of their gender.
I watched a movie titled oh my god! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OMG_%E2%80%93_Oh_My_God!
I loved this movie and totally agree with the message-
Be god loving not god fearing!

pooping woes….

The problem started when T was nearly a year old. She would not poop for days. 3-4 days was normal and sometimes it went up to 6 days. The first time it crossed the 5th day , we got worried and rushed to our family doctor. He told us to increase the fluid intake, fiber  increase her physical activity. He prescribed some stool softener -Ducosate Sodium and one more medicine. It worked but the medicine was so bitter that T would just not take it. We tried it in juice , in water. But She used to vomit it . it was so bitter. We tried to find an alternative for the medicine which is better in taste but same effect wise. Unfortunately there is no substitute available that is easier on a baby’s taste buds.
The gap caused her stool to harden and she would avoid pooping even if she felt like going. This started a vicious circle and made it more difficult for her to poop. It was heart breaking to see her screaming and in pain.
I searched online and tried everything from prune juice, orange juice, even the pitted prunes to giving her fibre rich diet. T had always been an active child. So even that was not the cause.
The problem was getting worse. From 3 days it became 4 days and then. 5 days. We tried different medicines. Mineral oils .One jelly like oil I gave her a number of times was Lansoyl. But these things you cannot give everyday. They have their side effects. I did not want T to be dependent on them. So gave her medicines on and off. I continued with fiber rich diet, consciously increased the fluid intake but nothing seemed to work.
This continued for over a year. Every time she crossed the third day , the tension would start building up. I would pray and keep my fingers crossed so that this time it will be easier on her.We used to cancel all our outings.This was the most important task of the day, to get T to poop.
Last year we were on vacation in India , T as she was not used to the Indian climate would fall ill often and frequented doctor,s visit. He is a peadatrician and practices near to my home. During one of these visits I mentioned to him about T’s ongoing pooping problem. He suggested to increase her fluid intake, oil intake and sugar intake. He also suggested to give her a teaspoon of almond oil everyday. The magic was yet to be told. Then he told me to give T one spoon of honey in milk everyday.

Honey (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was not sure how much it is going to cure the problem but since I had no other better solution , I thought of giving it a try. it worked like magic. At first I gave her almond oil as well as honey in milk. Then after 15 days I stopped giving the almond oil and continued with the honey in milk. Since then I have been praising the doctor to no end. T has been pooping since then like any other normal kid.
I plan to continue her honey in milk for some more years since honey has so many benefits.
But one thing should be noted that honey is not suitable for children under one year.
I decided to write this article as this might help other moms who are facing the same problem.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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African Lion Safari

It was my first experience to see the African lion safari two years back.My brother had flown down to Toronto to meet us.So we had been planning where we can take him and African lion safari was one of the chosen places.
I was hoping to see just the lions as the name suggests but was pleasantly surprised to see many more creatures there.
Also it was first experience for me to see the animals roaming all free while we were driving around in the car.It was much more fun than a zoo visit.
We went in the month of August and it was good season to go.
T was nearly a year old and she slept as soon as we reached the safari.
The weather was lovely when we reached there but the sudden rain made it cold.I did not take any jackets for me or for T.
So had to search the gift shop.Unfortunately they do not sell any winter clothes.All I could find was a stole to wrap around T.I bought it and yes it was overpriced.
The trip was fun and when the rain stopped  the weather was awesome.
The food was not that great.Not many varieties to choose from.Even fewer options for vegetarians.

For a summer trip –
Take sun screen, sun glasses, hats
Plenty of water
Pack food from home.

Check the weather before planning the trip to avoid surprises and sudden variations in temperature.

Below is a photo tour of what I saw.

  The awesome weather as is evident from this pic.

   Lion -The king

   Cheetah

   Wildebeest

   white rhinoceros

  Ostrich

   Yak

  American fellow deer

   Scimitar-Horned Onyx        Zebra

    African Barbary Sheep

   African Queen Boat Tour

   Gibbon

The useful sites to go through for trip planning:

http://www.lionsafari.com/

http://www.tripadvisor.ca/Attraction_Review-g154990-d184770-Reviews-African_Lion_Safari-Hamilton_Ontario.html

http://www.theweathernetwork.com/

Enjoy!! or should I say “Have Fun” as my daughter cheerfully says to me whenever she says bye 🙂 and goes out.

Summer dear where are you?

Anorak01.jpg (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I was all set to pack my winter jackets when it struck this friday. THE SNOW.what again??? noooooo

It had been raining all friday.Was cold enough on saturday to wear a jacket and sunday was like we had snow! The heater was on for few hours. pheww!
I am done with this winter and icy cold winds. Where is the summer?
Monday was not good either.

When I landed in Canada a few years ago in March I saw people around me all excited as summer was round the corner. I could not understand why the hell no one is at home on weekends.Why people plan months ahead for long weekends.Why there are no reservations left on popular get aways.

Now I am one of them!!

I now know the value of Canadian summer.That is the only time you can chill out without feeling chilly.I have so many summer dresses I bought for myself this spring , waiting to be taken out of closet and worn.

Today there is frost warning. I am keeping my fingers crossed for tommorow. Hoping it would be the last day of this stupid winter.

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